AMAZING

I've never seen anything like this before! Check it out. I think you will be quite amazed.

http://www.break.com/index/amazing-synchronized-cycling-girls.html

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Wanna Treat?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XivhwO_zWWg

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Subject: PARKING TICKET

PARKING TICKET
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop.
We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.
So my wife called him a shit-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus and the car had an Obama sticker. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

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CRACK KILLS

JET SKI'S ARE NOT FOR EVERYONE



Sorta gives new meaning to the terms
Low Rider, High Tide & Full Moon...

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WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED

Men Are Just Happier People--

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can never be pregnant.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them..

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet..

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks and engines.

A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness..

Your underwear is £8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You never have strap problems in public

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original colour.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pen knife..

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it

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Every day we have something to be thankful for

Today, we're thankful the photographer wasn't walking up from the ocean.



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MY LIVING WILL

Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room
and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state,
dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.
If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

She got up, unplugged the Computer,
and threw out my wine.

She's such a bitch

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The REDNECK FIRE ALARM

NOW THATS FUNNY

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MAXINE

I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

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